this page generated 23.4.24 19:22 CDT (@057 .beats) Follow @CRZ

30.4.16 22:01

#longreads I mean, I knew going in that this event would have too many pinball players and not enough pinball machines, I KNEW that, but I went anyway. Surly is less than 10 minutes of brisk walking from the house and I needed to walk. Waiting in line, ten bucks to get in, I decided to enter the tourney, another ten bucks, another line. I think I watched other people play the "Ghostbusters" pinball machine for like an hour. So I'd invested twenty bucks into the afternoon without even buying a beer and I'd played a grand total of one game of pinball. I wasn't worst of my foursome, so there was that, but third wasn't much to be crowing about either. I wasn't up for standing in line for the other machines. I went onto the deck and looked over at my neighborhood's water tower; the view was spectacular. But I was bored. I couldn't believe they had a DJ named "Mr. DJ." The inflatable Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man promised had not lived up to the vision in my head and besides, he was hidden behind Mr. DJ. The Ecto-1 replicas were cool but they were far from the hall. I decided to go outside and look at them; then I decided to go home and bring back the book I've been reading off and on (Sheila E's biography...which, in my defense, I'd started while Prince was still with us) while I waited to see if I'd get my second chance at a tourney score. At this point, Mr. DJ said it was time for the 1980s NAME THAT TUNE game, and there were prizes and you could win a hundred bucks. I decided to stop reading and was the first volunteer, knowing that folks tend not to want to go first so it'd be the best time to lock in as a contestant. The guy who had spent the better part of my initial hour of waiting trying to engage me in conversation on practically anything ended up facing me as we took turns lowering the amount of seconds we'd need to Name That Culture Club Tune. He flinched after I said "3 seconds" and I was able to identify "Karma Chameleon." I got my prize of a red Surly T in my size and waited for the other seven seats to fill. About half the time, the clue was enough to get you the answer in zero seconds, but the rules were you couldn't go lower than one second. And if you DID bid one second, the other guy had a chance to name it without listening or force you to try in one second. My competition in the second round was the guy I thought I'd meet in the finals but when nobody volunteered to take a question in the category of "Genesis," Mr. DJ selected both of us. I got the opening bid and I was lucky, because the clue was super obvious - this Phill (they misspelled PHIL, are you kidding me) Collins solo hit was a remake of a Motown something something super obvious it was definitely "You Can't Hurry Love," and I knew it and he knew it. But I got to bid first, like I said, so I said "I can name that tune in two seconds," he had no choice but to say "I can name it in one" and then I correctly guessed "You Can't Hurry Love" without him having a chance. I felt bad for him, but not bad enough to keep from playing the game. Down to four people and I volunteered for category "Wham" - again, the clue (lyrics) made it a no-brainer that it was "Father Figure," so I bid two seconds. My opponent thought I was bluffing and gave me the two seconds. It was a relief when it really WAS "Father Figure" playing for two seconds. So in the finals, with me and a guy who'd really backdoored his way in, the category was "MTV Hits" and the clue was pretty vague - it was a Duran Duran hit but not enough to tell me which one. We went back and forth and I didn't want to put it in his hands, so I kept limboing lower and he finally dared me to Name That Tune in 3 seconds. I could have gotten it in one after I heard a very distinctive laugh - it was "Hungry Like The Wolf" and I'd won! For winning overall, I received a $30 Target gift card and a "20 play" pinball card (probable value: $20?), so between that and the shirt I was definitely on the plus side for the day...but now we came to the BONUS ROUND. All I had to do - and I say this as if it were nothing, but it was pretty much designed to be impossible - all I had to do was identify ten songs by title in 60 seconds of song play. I was given three lifelines: a pass, a "poll the audience" and a "name the artist." I fell behind pretty quickly - math tells me I have to average six seconds a song to get to ten without missing one, but I took a long time on one I absolutely would not have gotten in time on my own, to give the CROWD time to figure it out for me - when I polled them, a guy (who I still owe a beer) helped me out big-time with "You're a Friend of Mine" by Clarence Clemons & Jackson Brown. "The big man's in heaven," he reminded me. I definitely agreed. I used another lifeline after spending too much time on a slow song I KNEW I knew, but kept waiting for some lyrics to help me out. They didn't help, but after I was told it was Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam, I nailed "All Cried Out." What were the other ones? Some, thankfully, came within 1 or 2 seconds to bring me back in line: I'll always know the distinctive drum pattern that starts "Rosanna." Same for "Let's Hear it For the Boy," if you can believe that. "Keep On Loving You" had already been played once, so it was weird that I got it again, but I took it. By this time I was starting to build up a lot of adrenaline because this looked like something I might actually be able to accomplish. "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" was a welcome "easy" one. Sadly, it became a bit of a blur and looking back now, I can't remember three of the other ones - but I definitely remember the last one, #10. I had recovered, was making good time and still had 11 seconds left of my 60 to work with. I could also still pass if I wanted. I heard the sounds of The Romantics and my heart beat even faster as I fast forwarded in my head to the chorus: "I hear the secrets that you keep / when you're talking in your sleep." Shit, was it called "Secrets That You Keep" or "Talking In Your Sleep?" Shit, how many seconds had just passed? Should I pass and go with the unknown? No, I'm pretty sure it's "Talking In Your Sleep." I don't think I can risk it. I said it. It appeared on the screen. I'D DONE IT! They actually handed me a new hundy on the spot - none of this gift card nonsense. Mr. DJ told me he hadn't seen anybody actually win the thing before. For a moment I hoped I wasn't taking cash out of his pocket. I got over that sentiment pretty quickly. I think I yelled pretty loudly. There was applause and everybody seemed genuinely happy that I'd managed to pull it off. I WAS AWESOME AND THERE WERE WITNESSES. Later, I played the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles machine... and finished fourth out of four, of course. I'd love to say the leftover adrenaline was a cause but the truth is I was pretty awful at that game. Krista reminded me that I have a distinctive look and everybody in the room knew I had a Franklin in my pocket. I told her I was a fast walker.

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