Article 75175 of rec.sport.pro-wrestling: Xref: freenet.carleton.ca rec.sport.pro-wrestling:38819 Path: freenet.carleton.ca!cunews!nott!torn!spool.mu.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!library.ucla.edu!galaxy.ucr.edu!usenet From: kzim@watserv.ucr.edu (Christopher Robin Zimmerman) Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling Subject: That RAW guy's 1993 year in Review Date: 14 Dec 1993 21:50:47 GMT Organization: University of California, Riverside Lines: 322 Message-ID: <2elcfn$dfe@galaxy.ucr.edu> Reply-To: kzim@galaxy.ucr.edu NNTP-Posting-Host: watnxt07.ucr.edu Keywords: If I throw enough at you, something will be funny. Here's my year in review look at the WWF, from my Prime Time Wrestling and Monday Night RAW reports. ATTENTION NEWBIES: Stealing a quote from one of C. R. Zimmerman's reports and putting it in your .sig is ten times cooler than including the words "Steve DiSalvo" in a completely unnecessary post. Mull that over... Extremely long, self-indulgent look back follows: (I'd put a Control-L here but I have problems with funny characters...) "'The Ultimate Warrior ceased to exist...there is no Ultimate Warrior, there never was an Ultimate Warrior.' - George Orwell, paraphrased" - Prime Time Wrestling 16.11.92 "Okerlund interviews Flair and Ramon. Ramon compares Perfect to 'Arnold Benedict.'" - Survivor Series Showdown, 22.11.92 "Lucky year for Virgil, eh? Sid Justice breaks his nose, he gets killed by Nailz, and will now get killed by Yokozuna. And to think he was a 'Million Dollar Champion.'" - Survivor Series Showdown, 22.11.92 "[Lance Cassidy] sounds like a Big Spring disc jockey." - Prime Time Wrestling, 30.11.92 "Hey look, Caesar's Palace! I guess Las Vegas really IS the new capital of family entertainment!" - Prime Time Wrestling, 30.11.92 "Hayes has the best line I've ever heard him use ever, EVER. On dealing with telling those Samoans apart: 'Well, that makes sense. Samu is the fat one, and the other is Fatu!'" - Prime Time Wrestling, 30.11.92 "'Virgil's really been doing the job in the WWF...' - Gorilla Monsoon" - Prime Time Wrestling, 7.12.92 "[on jobber Laverne McGill] Look! An African-American Scotsman!" - Prime Time Wrestling, 14.12.92 "Next week: The Christmas Special! Hopefully, this means Luke and Butch with Santa hats." - Prime Time Wrestling, 14.12.92 "Damien DeFreshMaker v. Kerry Davis (Monsoon, Hayes) De Mentos looks up and talks to the sky. Davis: 'Hey, what're ya lookin' at?' and looks up. BOOM. Stupid, stoopid ham'n'egger." - Prime Time Wrestling, 21.12.92 "Skinner v. Bob Backlund (Monsoon, Hayes) Skinner, amazingly, does not shake hands. Boy, this match...hm...you know, the wrestling ability...nod...mmph...full nelson...zzzzzzzzzz..." - Prime Time Wrestling, 21.12.92 "Heenan: Doesn't that guy [Virgil] have a last name?" - Prime Time Wrestling, 28.12.92 "Here's a riddle I just wrote: Q: What's the difference between Skinner and the Brooklyn Brawler? A: Um, let me get back to you on that." - Prime Time Wrestling, 28.12.92 "Wade Boggs introduces us to his good friend Mr. Perfect. This particular 'vignette' was awarded at Cannes for Most Judicious Use of Editing. Surprisingly, it does NOT win any soundtrack awards." - Prime Time Wrestling, 28.12.92 "'The King' Jerry Lawler will take place in the Rumble Royale. He was entered by virtue of his victory against....no, by virtue of his performance in his match against....hey, why IS he in there?" - Prime Time Wrestling, 4.1.93 "Your host is Todd Pettengill. I've never heard of him. Todd Pettengill: a) used to be a disc jockey b) thinks hosting is like being a disc jockey c) always wanted to be a disc jockey d) isn't sure about this wrestling business e) was hired for his stunning good looks f) any or all of the above Pettengill says watching 'WWF Mania' is better than old 'Taxi' reruns. Really, Todd." - WWF Mania, 9.1.93 "Let us take you back...Courtesy WWF Superstars: Doink takes out Crush...boy, you gotta admit that this piece was tastefully done." - Monday Night Raw, 18.1.93 "Bartlett: Slim Jim, for the times when you don't really care what part of the cow you're eating." - Monday Night Raw, 1.2.93 "Duggan hasn't learned how to pronounce Yawkazooma yet." - Monday Night Raw, 1.2.93 "There are now TWO fat ring girls. Urgh. I think someone in the front office misunderstood when they were give the directive 'We need a larger audience share.'" - Monday Night Raw, 1.2.93 "Let me tell ya...I've seen this Clown guy wrestle on four different occasions, and I'm coming around...I just might become a little Doinker myself." - Monday Night Raw, 1.2.93 "Interview of Fuji and 'Zima. Highlight: Fuji: ...squash, and squash, and squash! 'Zima: Yosh! Yosh! Yosh! Well, maybe not a highlight, but still..." - Monday Night Raw, 15.2.93 "The crowd seems to have taken advantage of Vince's 'bring in yer Hogan memorabilia and save a buck off the ticket price' deal. Yellow and red permeate throughout. We are informed several times that the Hulkster will be live later. Like he's dead now." - Monday Night Raw, 22.2.93 "Bartlett: They weren't really wrestling during the [ad] break." - Monday Night Raw, 22.2.93 "Vince interviews You Know Who [Hogan]...The yellow and red has been replaced with a tasteful melange of red and yellow." - Monday Night Raw, 22.2.93 "Vince promises the next match will feature the Steiner Brothers...Rob and Scott!" - Monday Night Raw, 1.3.93 "Canned interview with the Megaultimatemaniacs. They plan on getting the belts. Hearing Hogan sing 'Getting to Know You' is enough to remind me how much I've missed him." - Monday Night Raw, 8.3.93 "Commentators speculate on the winner of the Perfect/Model match; Bartlett (to Vince): Well, didn't you say Perfect was going to win?" - Monday Night Raw, 8.3.93 "I believe when [name mercifully removed] said Canada was a third-world country, he was making reference to the fact that Canada does not get broadcasts of Monday Night Raw." - Monday Night Raw, 15.3.93 "Oh yeah, the good midget pins the evil midget." - March to WrestleMania, 28.3.93 "Tatanka v. Von Krus - Hmmm, the Nazi against the Indian...I'm going with the Indian on this one." - Monday Night Raw, 12.4.93 "The 'debut' of Friar Ferguson v. Chris Duffy. He's a monk. He comes out to a Gregorian-like chant. He sprinkles (holy?) water on the crowd. He drinks some himself. He is listed as 385 pounds. He's wearing a robe (thank goodness). He dances. He makes the cross symbol. He wins. Ladies and gentlemen, I should retire right now. I have seen everything." - Monday Night Raw, 12.4.93 "Billy and Bart Gun (they'll probably have some goofy spelling like Gunn) are the Smoking Guns, and they're coming to the WWF, yeah, brother, yee-haw." - Monday Night Raw, 26.4.93 "Another look at Bart and Billy, the Smoking Gunnz... Lance Cassidy is NOT mentioned." - Monday Night Raw, 3.5.93 "Cap'n Lou, apparently, is back for a goodly amount of time (which should be about three weeks)." - Monday Night Raw, 3.5.93 "Someone wrote me back and said I shouldn't call it stupid, because Gunn is a very proper and fine Scottish name. I wrote him back: "Then it *is* stupid. Who ever heard of Scottish cowboys?" Once again the WWF has come through for me, and as a reward I hereby dub this new tag team the Smoking Scotsmen." - Monday Night Raw, 10.5.93 "The Cannonball Kid, who looks suspiciously like the Kamikaze Kid..." - Monday Night Raw, 10.5.93 "Some security guards, that's the second time they've let Jannetty get by." - Monday Night Raw, 17.5.93 "You've got to hand it to Michaels, he's the only guy to put up his belt three times during a sweeps month." - Monday Night Raw, 17.5.93 "Marty Jannetty is the new intercontinental champion, and even *you* didn't see it coming." - Monday Night Raw, 17.5.93 "Lee Rousson of the New York Giants is in the crowd. I guess anybody will go to these things." - Monday Night Raw, 31.5.93 "The King of the Ring Hotline... Oooooooooo! Interviews! A voteline! Hulkster interviews! Conference calls during the PPV! Wow! Where's my piggybank?!" - Monday Night Raw, 7.6.93 "Sunday on All-American Wrestling, Owen Hart will take on the newcomer, Bastion Booger. This must be that **** matchup I've been hearing so much about." - Monday Night Raw, 14.6.93 "Vince interviews Mr. Fuji and Yokozima. Check that, it should read 'Vince talks and talks, whipping the crowd into a pro-America frenzy. Mr. Fuji and Yokozima stand nearby.'" - Monday Night Raw, 28.6.93 "Tatanka is going to be [at the Stars & Stripes Challenge]. Huh? This really annoyed my roommate, who challenged me with 'Why should a Native American give a rat's ass about the National Holiday of his oppressors?' I admit, he had me there." - Monday Night Raw, 28.6.93 "[On continued appearances as the '1-2-3' Kid] Well, I guess the lightning's been put out for good..." - Monday Night Raw, 5.7.93 "Luna tells us the Beast from the East is yet to come. Some people might think I just fed them the straight line of the year." - Monday Night Raw, 5.7.93 "Crush v. Yokozuna for the WWF Championship - Vince: Can Crush do the job?" - Monday Night Raw, 12.7.93 "M.O.M. video. This particular piece won the prestigious 'Most Effective Use Of A Blue Screen And Ghetto Footage' Award at Cannes. Surprisingly, it did NOT win any soundtrack awards." - Monday Night Raw, 12.7.93 "Bastion Booger v. Scott Despres - Hmmm, Booger's gaining weight." - Monday Night Raw, 19.7.93 "Mr. Hughes v. Ross Greenberg - Vince: I've never seen anyone dis, as they say, the Undertaker in quite that fashion. Vince McMahon: on the cutting edge." - Monday Night Raw, 26.7.93 "Vince says there's going to be stampedes at K Marts all across the country tomorrow when [WrestleMania: The Album] is put on the shelves. Make your own joke here, kids." - Monday Night Raw, 26.7.93 "Who is Lex Luger? Steroids are bad, ICOPRO is good." - Monday Night Raw, 16.8.93 "Luckily, just to make it interesting, the Giant Gonzo comes out with Harvey Wippleman and gives a fascinating twelve word interview. Sure enough, we get another one of those exciting, two mile an hour chase scenes, complete with unnecessary Undertaker music." - SummerSlam Spectacular, 22.8.93 "Who Is Lex Luger? You know, if they took out all this Lex crap, they could have fit a Doink match on this show." - SummerSlam Spectacular, 22.8.93 "While the cage erection continues, Ross plugs the SummerSlam Hotline again. Read that over, it's not dirty, honest." - SummerSlam Spectacular, 22.8.93 "Heenan interviews the Quebecers. Polo says that there will be a tag team title defense next week, but it won't involve the Steiners, rather, some 'well deserving tag team', presumably one like Gill and Hardy." - Monday Night Raw, 20.9.93 "Huzzah! My first 'Mr. Nanny' ad!" - Monday Night Raw, 27.9.93 "Yawn...my second 'Mr. Nanny' ad." - Monday Night Raw, 27.9.93 "Promos: ICOPRO (Luger), GI Joe, The Return of Electronic Hot Shot Battleship ("Yeah!") Hmm, must be October, the Christmas ads have started up." - Monday Night Raw, 4.10.93 "The Head Shrinkers v. Tommy Morrison and Sid Kirisan - Heenan: Is that the boxer Tommy Morrison? Vince: No, this one gets up off the canvas. Those guys really love boxing, don't they?" - Monday Night Raw, 11.10.93 "Next week's RAW will feature a Savage/Crush summit, as well as a Crush/Savage summit." - Monday Night Raw, 11.10.93 "Bam Bam Bigelow v. Dennis Diamond - Luna Tunes has borrowed one of Cher's old outfits." - Monday Night Raw, 18.10.93 "'1-2-3' Kid v. Martyr Jannetty - The first five minutes of this match is taken up by mat wrestling. Insert favorite mat wrestling comment here, I'll help you by giving my roommate's: 'This match is boring.' For an encore, my roommate keeps calling him 'L. Kid.'" - Monday Night Raw, 25.10.93 "Diesel v. Dan Dubiel - You know, when they write the new dictionary definition of wrestler..." - Monday Night Raw, 25.10.93 "The Macho Man Randy Savage is still recuperating from his tongue-lashing at the hands of Crush..." - Monday Night Raw, 1.11.93 "Plug for Bowe/Holyfield match. Some wrestlers, all they can do is brawl." - Monday Night Raw, 1.11.93 "Heenan: Isn't it ironic that we're watching Well Dunn on RAW? Vince doesn't get it, amazingly. Heenan says the Gunns went to the Sam Houston Institute of Technology, which I have to award the acronym of the week." - Monday Night Raw, 1.11.93 I commend you if you're still with me. This is probably a good time to plug r.s.p-w's official anonymous FTP site, which is cactusjack.health.ufl.edu. In addition to my Monday Night RAW reports, there's just oddles of good stuff to look at. It's been a crazy year...but I can't wait for things to happen this year! Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy / kzim@galaxy.ucr.edu /