Something literally fell into my hands today that I just had to share with you: the menu for the just-opened WWF restaurant in Manhattan.

My office being mere steps away from the soon-to-be-hallowed location of 1501 Broadway in bee-YOO-tiful Times Square, I just happened to be walking by at lunchtime when I noticed a guy out front passing out little Xerox copies.

So it didn't exactly fall into my hands, I'll admit. I lunged for the guy and said "Oooh, gimme gimme!" or words to that effect.

With the two-way-radio-toting guys out front literally inviting people in off the street (scaffolding on the building seems to suggest it's not yet open for business), I nipped in after work and took a quick look around.

Spread out over two floors, the place (which seems to be called just WWF New York and not WWF Raw as it was once reported) appears to be 60% gift shop, 25% restaurant, and 15% bar. All dining and drinking takes place downstairs, with the ground floor reserved for shoppin'.

Items up for grabs in the store (which has an annex on downstairs to trap folks while they're waiting for tables) included WWF skateboards, "Fat Free Treats" (looked scary), SCSA cookie jars (no shit), and the usual clothing items out the yin-yang.

Okay, I made a few impulse buys while I was there. But the presentation was FABULOUS. I asked the cashier if the staff was forced to listen to nothing but WWF: The Music Vol. 4 (which was playing at the time) all day long. He informed me that they "mix it up" a bit. Whatever that means.

Anyway, the d=8Ecor downstairs consists mostly of concrete, brushed aluminum, and STEEL cages. The bar looked pretty suave (which is a good thing, as decent places to drink in Times Square are sooo hard to come by), and there was a big area off to one side with a stage for "special appearances" I'm guessing. Maybe they'll have the NAO give their Vaudeville act a try there someday.

The place was pretty empty, but it was around 7 pm and everyone with half a brain was probably heading home to watch "The Simpsons." I breezed out over the WWF logo carpeting (available with both red and black backgrounds) and headed home, vowing to return. It's not like I can avoid the place or anything; I pass by it on my way to and from the office every day.

Until then, I give you the WWF theme restaurant menu, completely unexpurgated and with the odd editorial inconsistency intact, except where I fucked up. You'll find no wrestler-themed dishes, sadly, though you will notice some interesting terms such as "meaty," "tart squeezings," and "flavorful juices." [Insert Val Venis joke here... and let's hope he's not in the kitchen the day you order the "Chef's Special Soup."]

No further editorial commentary (except to wonder, how the hell does one "drizzle" basil?), just the straight facts and extravagant prices. (Overheard in restaurant: "Thirteen dollars for a burger?" Welcome to New York, kids.)

And yes, they do serve milk.

APPETIZERS AND FINGER FOODS

Jumbo Spicy Chicken Wings $9.00
A pound and a half of meaty wings coated in our own hot-sauce recipe, featuring a blend of light spices with a wisp of smokiness, served with crisp celery sticks and chunky bleu cheese dressing.

Shrimp Cocktail $12.00
5 pieces of jumbo shrimp plucked from the cold waters of the North Atlantic ocean, served with a zesty horseradish cocktail sauce.

Deep-Fried Mozzarella $7.00
4 large half moons of a pleasantly mild mozzarella, coated in a traditional Italian breading and deep fried until golden brown served with a tomato sauce for dipping.

Crab "Slammers" $11.00
A basket of 10 crab fritters made from succulent crab meat, diced and coated in a Baltimore breading, deep fried and accompanied by corn fritters and okra.

Chef's Special Soup $6.00
Made fresh daily from old-world recipes. Ask your server for today's selections.

BURGERS AND SANDWICHES

Applewood-Smoked Bacon Burger $13.00
10 ounces of pure beef with 3 strips of smoked bacon flavored by slow-cooking over hot applewood coals topped with melted provolone cheese and served with shoestring fries.

Cheeseburger $11.00
10 ounces of pure beef with your choice of Provolone, Cheddar or Swiss cheese and served with shoestring fries.

Hamburger $11.00
10 ounces of pure beef chargrilled to your preference and served with shoestring fries.

Chicken Breast Sandwich $10.00
A fresh and tender 9-oz. breast marinated in our own blend of herbs and spices, chargrilled and served on a special roll and topped with your choice of Provolone, Cheddar or Swiss cheese, accompanied by shoestring fries.

Roasted Red Peppers $9.00
A delicious meatless sandwich combining the sweetest red peppers with grilled eggplant, thinly sliced red onion and fresh mozzarella drizzled with basil, all piled high on fresh-baked focaccia with a small mixed green salad.

SALADS AND COLD PLATTERS

Caesar Salad $9.00
Crisp hearts of Romaine lettuce tossed in a classic blend of Caesar dressing topped with grated Parmesan cheesd and mixed- bread croutons, finished with the tart squeezings from a fresh half lemon.

Top your salad with strips of fresh chargrilled chicken, cut from an 8-oz. breast, marinated Southwestern style $12.00

or Add surf-and-turf, a classic combination of large, tail-on shrimp and chargrilled sirloin beef cubes $17.00

Times Square Salad $11.00
Our version of a chef's salad, featuring a blended bed of crisp lettuce, quartered Roma tomatoes, snappy sliced celery sticks, strips of deli-style ham, accented with pitted green olives and grated Romano cheese, tossed in a fresh lemon vinaigrette.

Garden Salad $8.00
For the lighter appetite or as a side, a blended bed of crisp lettuce greens, quartered Roma tomatoes, sliced cucumbers topped with whole pitted olives, served with our house vinaigrette on the side.

SIDE ORDERS

Sides $5.00 each
Chinese Forbidden Rice - Wild Sauteed Mushrooms

Sides $4.00 each
Corn on the Cob - Shoestring Fries - Mashed Potatoes

MAIN ENTREES

Herb-Roasted Half Chicken $15.00
Almost 2-pounds of tender chicken, brushcoated with a buttery blend of herbs and spices, slow roasted to seal in the flavorful juices, served with made-from-scratch mashed potatoes and seasonal vegetables.

Roast Barbecue Chicken $15.00
Starts with almost 2-pounds of tender chicken, roasted to seal in the flavor, then coated in our spicy-sweet barbecue sauce, accompanied by shoestring fries and seasonal vegetables.

Barbecued Spareribs $18.00
A full rack of meaty St. Louis-style spareribs handrubbed with spices and seasoning to get that flavor down to the bone, then constantly brushed and turned over an open flame, chargrilled to get that fall-off-the-bone tenderness, accompanied by shoestring fries and a large ear of corn on the cob.

Grilled Fresh Salmon Filet $19.00
Fresh-caught 9-oz. salmon filet pan-seared then basted with butter in a sauce of vermouth and tarragon essence, served with mashed potatoes and seasonal vegetables.

Jumbo Lump Crabcakes $21.00
Three bountiful Maryland crabcakes served atop a bed of dark but lightly flavored Chinese Forbidden rice along with a red curry sauce served with seasonal vegetables.

Seared Fresh Yellowfin Tuna $21.00
A 9-oz. filet fresh from the ocean, basted in real butter, then pan seared in a wasabi-and-ginger sauce, served atop a bed of Chinese Forbidden rice, accompanied by seasonal vegetables.

Surf-and-Turf $26.00
Almost a full pound of 5 large, tail-on, cold water shrimp and 5 large, tender cubes of choice sirloin, skewered and then marinated before finishing on a hot, butter-coated flat- top grille, served with Chinese Forbidden rice and seasonal vegetables with our own scampi sauce.

18-oz. New York Strip $27.00
We serve only USDA prime grade, aged 21 days to bring out its rich, full flavor and tenderness, this classic cut is grilled to your specification, served with scalloped potatoes, seasonal vegetables and Pickapeppa Steak Sauce.

9-oz. Center Cut Filet $MKT
The leanest and most tender of steaks, this USDA prime cut is aged 21 days to bring out all its natural flavor and tenderness, then cooked to your liking and served with scalloped potatoes, seasonal vegetables and Pickapeppa Steak Sauce.

Colossal Shrimp $19.00
Starts with penne pasta and 4 large, cold water, tail-on shrimp seared in olive oil and lightly tossed with a blend of applewood-smoked bacon, chopped fresh tomatoes, asparagus sprigs, topped with slivers of Asiago cheese and spiced with fresh garlic and herbs.

Pesto Chicken $15.00
Gemelli pasta tossed with an 8-oz. pan seared chicken breast, tossed with roasted red peppers, radicchio, pine nuts, and broccoli in a pesto cream sauce.

KIDS MENU

Chicken Fingers $7.00
with shoestring fries and a choice of soda.

Pizza or Ravioli $7.00
with tomato sauce, choice of soda.

DESSERTS

Desserts $6.00
(all served with fresh whipped cream)
Chocolate Cake - Pecan & Sweet Potato Tartletts - Apple "Volcano" - Cheesecake with fruit confit - Key Lime Pie - Ice Cream

BEVERAGES

Soft Drinks -- (Cola, Diet Cola, 7-UP, Diet 7-UP, Hi-C Punch and Orange Soda)
unlimited refills $2.00

Juice (assorted, ask server) $2.50

Bottled Water, Sparkling or Spring $3.00

Royal Kona Coffee $2.00

Hot Tea $2.00

Hot Cocoa $2.00

Fresh Brewed Ice Tea $2.00

Espresso $2.50

Cappuccino $3.75

Milk--2% $2.50

17% gratuity is added to checks for 6 or more