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Guest Columns | Josh Haggard |
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PURORESURING
Hey everybody, welcome back to the MOTHERF***ING BURNING HAMMER!!! in a sorta-new name, PuroResuring. Of course, Puro in this case is supposed to sound like Pure, and Resuring is Wrestling...So, you get Pure Wrestling. I dunno, I'm out of ideas to replace the MOTHERF***ING BURNING HAMMER!!!, so I'd like your thoughts. Which one: PuroResuring or the MOTHERF***ING BURNING HAMMER!!!? Your call, I'm not real sure.
Let's get a quick ORACLES UPDATE: I'm 0-5 in the OWF; average match rating of *** 1/4 and I've got a match with Thread aPa~! member and overall cool guy Neurosis Wednesday on OWFTV. No other real updates...I'd like to speak of a situation that happened with veteran [slash] tape reviewer and good friend, Pat Barker, but I don't think it would be appropriate to go out and talk about to everybody. People who visit the Oracles War Room know about it, the people who don't visit it most likely don't know. I'll let the Oracles discuss it in their own columns if they'd like, but I don't want to...they probably know him better than I do, anyway, and I don't want to cross any lines with the Oracles. Pat: if you're reading, hang in there, man. Some more opening notes:
So, onto the column:
Well, I like it. It's damn funny. First, let me say that, although it is in my masculine nature to DESPISE POP AND ALL IT STANDS FOR (me and Tanvir had a good discussion on this), the new song "Sing Along With 3 Count," is DAMN CATCHY. Let's weigh it out here:
POINT: They've killed Tank's heat.
POINT: Tank looks stupid out there dancing along.
POINT: Tank shouldn't be with lowly jobbers!
POINT: Tank sucks.
POINT: The workrate of the 3 Count/Jung Dragons matches will go down tenfold with the addition of Tank.
POINT: What will this do in the long run? So, overall, I think the Tank/3 Count angle is fairly brilliant. It's just so...funny. "Everybody, 3-Count 1-2-3...One..Two...Threeeeee!" Brilliant. Not to say WCW is just doing REAL WELL. Booker T as champ is great and good, but the Rock impersonation HAS TO STOP. I don't like The Rock, I'll openly admit that, and it's not an opinion of a "Bandwagon Jumper" like some people have said, it's an opinion that I myself hold. I find his whole spiel stupid, and I'm looking forward to the day he can be a heel and be funny again. However, Booker T, who can out work The Rock six ways to Sunday, now has his gimmick. Book End? Rock Bottom. Flashy Suits? Gone, replaced with the stupid open shirt. I guess the only thing Booker has kept for himself is his "street" talk. I haven't heard The Rock say "playa-hataz," so I guess that's an advantage for La Roca. Where have Booker's GOOD moves gone? Whatever happened to the Harlem Hangover, the Missle Dropkick, the Harlem Sidekick and Axe Kick? Those are perfect finishers. Instead, he has to rip off The Rock and start using the goofy STO (I refuse to call it a Uranage...It's more like an STO, really). RANDOM SHOUT-OUT TO A RANDOM ORACLE IN THE RANDOM GOOFY THING OF THE WEEK: Hey Butchster...You still jockin' the bitches and slappin' the ho's? More stuff to talk about: Triple H vs. Chris Jericho as part of the TripTripTriple Main Event at Fully Loaded, up I-45 a couple of hundred miles. I won't be attending; I'm saving up for Wrestlemania 2001, here in Houston, TX. So...What's there to talk about? Well...The DX ambush of Jericho was classic. It was golden. I didn't see it coming, neither did a LOT of people, probably. It was kinda surreal seeing X-Pac point to the stage, where Road Dogg was walking with a sledgehammer. Uh-oh, Jericho's dead. Then, on Raw, we see Jericho make his return and attack the game, taped ribs and all. I love Jericho, mind you, but he's always been better as a whiny bitch heel, not a vicious heel or determined face. Just let him win the WWF Title and, whenever he loses it, find a loophole and keep the belt. Hell, *I* would like to see it. Jericho wins when Steph BEAR~!'s interference backfires, and Jericho steals yet another kiss. This'll be the Match of the Night, given enough time. Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker, also part of the TripTripTriple Main Event. I'll have to go with Angle, by way of everyone's favorite woman, Steph BEAR~! She looked...different this week. Still hot, as usual, but not quite as hot as she's been. Funny stuff leading into this match, with Angle screwing up UT's bike. UT needs to say "Learning Tree." That is all. Chris Benoit vs. The Rock, the final match in the TripTripTriple Main Event. Great stuff leading into this (mainly the multiple Crossfaces for The Rock), and the match has the potential to be good, just not as good as Jericho/HHH. As much as I'd love to see Benoit win the strap, it ain't gonna happen. Rock wins it clean. Well, that's all for this week. Tape Reviews soon, hopefully, and more Oracles shilling to come next week, if not sooner. Last thing before I go: CRZ added in the "in limbo" part in my [slash] sig...I like it! Sums it up perfectly. That will be staying, unless CRZ spares me and gives me the [slash] (Not if you NEVER SHUT UP about it - CRZ). That is all.
"J-Mann" Josh Haggard |
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