I'm going to do another Nitro column this week, and then no more for a while. Next week I'll try to pick on some other organization, because taking shots at WCW is getting boring now and it's *just too easy*. Besides, by doing that, I'm sort of jumping on the bandwagon, and I don't really want to do that. I welcome any suggestions as to what I can do next week................ and by the way....... *I* was working out at my local gym alongside CRZ! I always thought he lived across the continent from me...... but apparently not.............

(As usual, seating somewhere in Atlanta, discussing plans for the following Monday's Nitro are Kevin Nash, Bill Goldberg, Ric Flair, Ed Ferrera and Bret Hart).

Ferrera: Let's see.......... we got slaughtered in the ratings again......... by Walker, Texas Ranger.

Nash: It sounds bad, but the show *is* getting better.

(Everybody stares at Nash. They seem astonished).

Nash: Hey, c'mon, it is. Razor and Jeff in the WWF was a great success. It'll pay off here too. Throw Sid in there, and we can use those guys for main eventing PPVs for the next six months.

Ferrera: I don't know, Kevin......... I'll have to think about that one. Maybe we can use Bret this Monday to -

Hart: I'm hurt. I won't be able to wrestle for another couple of months.

Ferrera: Oh, right. Doesn't matter, Bill can just -

Goldberg: I'm hurt. I won't be able to wrestle for another couple of months.

Ferrera: ....................

Flair: How about we give David a big push? Vince did that with his son and look what happened.

(Everybody begins to fidget nervously).

Ferrera: Uh, yeah, Shane was pushed a little over there, Ric......... but it could be argued that Shane had a little more..........

Flair: Hmm?

Ferrera: Well, talent.

Flair: Hey, Ferrera, he took those piledrivers from Terry Funk like a man. He deserves to be wrestling Kidman, Vampiro, those guys. It wouldn't hurt for him to get some wins over them either.

Ferrera: Well, sure. We might as well try something. How does a clean pin over...... Vampiro sound?

Flair: Vampiro? Yeah, that's great. By the way, I thought this Vampiro kid was supposed to be good. He's hardly won a match in WCW.

Ferrera: Well, yeah, we do bury him, for the most part. I mean, if he gets too popular, he might start taking some of the heat away from Sid, Jeff and the Harris Boys.

Flair: But, he is a pretty damn good wrestler, and he's young -

Ferrera: Anyway, Ric, that's enough of that. I'm thinking of booking myself over Madusa and Mona in a triple threat Cruiserweight title match.

Flair: We've been through this before, Ed. The first step to bringing WCW back to prominence is to give the belts some credibility.

Hart: Yeah, Ric's right, the belts should........ hey, what's this?

Ferrera: What? Oh, that's the preliminary schedule for Nitro. I decided to put in lots of title changes.

Hart: Let's see........ you over Madusa and Mona for the Cruiserweight Title.......... Mike Rotunda wins a Battle Royale to become US Champ........... Rick Steiner is awarded the reinstated TV Title......... and the Harris Boys become the Tag Champs. I don't know, Ed....... title changes don't necessarily mean ratings.

Ferrera: Sorry, but you're wrong, Bret. By the end of June, the Harris Boys will be seven time tag champs, Rotunda will have the won the US and TV Titles four times each, Rick Steiner will be the first man to hold the US and TV Titles at the same time on three separate occasions, and Tank Abbott will have tasted the ultimate prize, the World Title........ nine times, to be exact. In fact, every man on our roster will have held some belt at some time by the time June rolls around........ except Vampiro. We plan to stick him in a feud with Madusa.

Hart: That's exactly what I mean....... devaluing the belts is not right.

Ferrera: It may not be "right", Bret, but people will be tuning in, because they'll never know who'll be the next champ!

Hart: Believe me, the novelty will wear off.

Goldberg: What's in store for me when I come back?

Ferrera: Actually, Bill, you'll be feuding with the NWO. That's kinda the reason we reformed them........ so that we'd have opponents for you over the course of the year. You'll also team up with Sid on several occasions to wrestle the Harris Boys.

Goldberg: NWO, again? I had to wrestle Brian Adams so much last year, it made me sick.

Ferrera: Hey, Bill, you won't have to worry about fighting Brian anymore. You'll have your hands full with Ron, Don and Scott Steiner.

Hart: What about me?

Ferrera: Bret, the NWO will turn their backs on you, so you'll feud with them.

Hart: Me too? Maybe we should just disband the NWO for good.........

Ferrera: Bret? Hello? When the NWO formed in 1996, the ratings went through the roof. WCW won the ratings war for over 80 consecutive weeks. The NWO was an unstoppable juggernaut. The catchphrases and the spray painting appealed to the common fan and really touched them in a way they hadn't been touched before. We had them hooked.

Goldberg: Actually, Ed, the NWO dragged on way too long. It was just a watered down shadow of itself when it finally folded.

Flair: Billy's right, boys. It's time to make some changes around here. I'm willing to put over younger guys for the good of the company. What do you say Ed?

Ferrera: Sorry, Ric, it doesn't work that way. The older guys are the backbone of the company. We can't have you job. You're booked to squash Vampiro this Monday.

Flair: Ed, listen, you can't depend on us old guys forever. It's time to start pushing the young guys.

Ferrera: ..........................you're right, Ric. I'll book all the luchadores into a big tournament......... they'll wrestle for a new belt we'll make this Monday called the Luchadore Title. Then we'll have Kidman and Psychosis feud for six months or so. Meanwhile Vampiro can job to Madusa but we won't make them be total squashes.

Hart: Hey, Ed, that's what Ric means. You're still holding them down. All you ever do is book them against each other. They actually need to fight some of the bigger guys to get over.

Ferrera: OK, Bret....... will you put Kidman over when you come back?

Hart: Christ, no. But someone should. Someone older.

Flair: I'll do it, Ed. For the good of the company.

Ferrera: No, Ric, we went through this before. You can't job to someone like that.

Goldberg: Maybe Hogan could do a few jobs.

(The entire room goes silent. After a few seconds, nobody can contain themselves anymore and begin to laugh maniacally).

Goldberg: OK, OK, sorry guys, it was stupid of me to say that.

Hart: Hey, speaking of Hulk, what's up with him now?

Ferrera: Hulk? Oh, the usual.

Nash: So you're trying to tell us that he's have the World Title within a month.

Ferrera: Basically, yeah.

Flair: Listen, Ed, this is insane. We can't keep going back to Hogan to fix our problems. It never works.

Ferrera: Sure it will. We'll give him a boost this Monday by letting him demolish Booker in a squash match.

Hart: That's something else I wanted to bring up with you. Booker T is probably the most talented guy in this company and he's been stuck in meaningless feuds....... for years.

Ferrera: C'mon Bret, I wouldn't go that far. He's fought some premiere talent: Stevie Ray, Big T, the Harris Boys. He's been the TV Champ, you know.

Goldberg: Guys, I've gotta go. See you later.

Ferrera: Oh, sure, Bill. What's up anyway?

Goldberg: Oh, uh.......... I have to pick up something at the dry cleaners.

Hart: Hey, it's 10:00. Isn't this the time that the WWF representatives were coming to the CNN Center for a visit?

Ferrera: Yeah. It'll be great to see those guys again.

(Goldberg leaves).

Hart: No, I mean, Goldberg just......... never mind.

Flair: Yeah, Ed, I've gotta go too......... some business to attend to.

Ferrera: Uh..... yeah, sure.

Nash: Yeah, 10:00....... time for my........ other..... meeting.

(Nash and Flair leave).

Ferrera: What's up with this? We don't even have the plans for this week's Nitro laid out.

Hart: Ed, we got beaten by Walker, Texas Ranger.

Ferrera: I know, but -

Hart: Ed, I'll say it again. *We got beaten by Walker, Texas Ranger*.

Ferrera: ..........................yeah. I've gotta go too, Bret. I'm supposed to be meeting someone near the CNN Center soon.

(Ferrera leaves).

Hart: I wonder if ECW has any room for an aging technical wrestler..............

OK, the guy looked a *lot* like CRZ. See you next week.